Perfectionism and low Self-esteem

Perfectionism often reflects a lack of self-esteem. Perfectionism and never being satisfied with one’s performance decreases levels of motivation, as well as the perception of one’s own value.

At the base of perfectionism there is insecurity and fear; the fear that if high perfectionism levels are not maintained, it will be possible to perform something in a wrong  manner, or even more frighteningly, to fail.

An overly critical attitude is destructive to our self-assessment and can worsen performance. Noticing instead what we do positive and our qualities, obviously without neglecting desire and drive  helps us to improve ourselves.

Causes and variables that contribute to insecurity must be removed. Sometimes this overly critical attitude is the result of overly critical role models that can even date back to our childhood, while in other situations  it can also be our coach, society, your colleagues, or an employer that  can create high pressure and unrealistic expectations.

People who are perfectionists have the conviction that they can never be allowed to make mistakes and therefore have a very high standard to maintain. All this is too much and it is in fact not humanly impossible.

The possibility of making mistakes terrifies them and most of the time they are disappointed with themselves.

The consequence on the brain of constantly performing at high levels is a load of negative emotions such as sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety and stress.

Sometimes one is so much caught up in this loop that one does not even realize it. It is necessary to clarify what is something of a high standard and what is something of an excessive standard.

Cognitive characteristics are "black or white thinking" - for example "if I need the help of others,  it means that I am weak".

Another fear that increases the need to always perform in a perfect way is linked to the judgment of others because one is afraid to experience strong negative emotions such as  shame and embarrassment.

Thoughts are not objective and realistic. They are rigid and absolutist and this clearly leads to dysfunctional behavior.

Transforming perfectionist thinking into a realist thought, for example instead being the best amongst everybody, means modifying it into "I have to do the best I can with the skills and resources I have"

Or, if errors occur, allow yourself to make mistakes and assess how you can learn from them.

Changing perspective and approach in a more objective way in how you evaluate is another cognitive strategy that can be useful in countering perfectionism.

This type of perspective can then be applied also to oneself to talk to each other and think about oneself in a more constructive and objective way, as well as motivating because the reality is that a critical dialogue destroys  passion over time.

Another typical feature of the perfectionist performer is the need for control. Real life and hard reality means that none of us has full control over all the variables in our lives but we can choose how to react to the harshness and to the situations that surround it.

The need for control to compensate for imperfections or "prevent" our fears from manifesting is an illusion.

The more you try to control, the more you create muscle tension, mental heaviness, fatigue, frustration and anxiety.

Letting go, being aware of not having to control creates greater lucidity, lightness, a more fluid body and greater emotional well-being.

Accepting to do your best and not being the best is the maximum subjective perfection that contributes to an inner balance and optimal performance.

Do what you can with the resources you have, in the performance you are in! This is your victory!